Yes, Bharathanatyam on ice is a thing and it’s pretty amazing!

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This piece was not written to promote unprotected sex. Nor was it written to say that abortion is the answer. This was written with the intent to encourage Tamil society to be less be judgmental and more accommodating towards those that go through hardship.

From reading the disclaimer above, you might assume that this is about pregnancy, sex and abortions. This is the story of my personal struggle of going through all of this alone. Due to my struggle, I’ve decided to share my story so that anyone going through this does not feel alone or trapped, and can speak to a friend or a helping hand.

The story begins with my former partner and me. We were dating for about a year and a half. As the relationship progressed, due to various issues and differences in perspective we had to end our relationship. Just as with some couples who still see their former partners after the break up, we continued to try and be friends. Our emotions made it difficult for us to be just friends, so we started to hook up again. This happened for a while until one day we found out that we were pregnant.

When we learned of the news, our worlds turned upside down. I went through a vast array of emotions and my perspective on life changed. I told my former partner that a decision had to be made about whether we kept the child, and that regardless of her decision I would support her and be there for her.

Ultimately, I believed it was her choice as it would be her body who would bear the child. Within South Asian society it is women who get the short end of the stick. I knew that she would go through a lot more social abuse and harassment than I would. I knew that her family would pressure her and give her more grief due to her being female. I knew I had to put her first and foremost.

After a couple of days of thinking the matter through, we decided to abort the baby. We thought that it was the best option for both us and our families. This was hard for me as being a father was something I had wanted for such a long time. I helped raise many of my young cousins and have been family oriented throughout my life.

On the day I had to go to the clinic, I looked in the mirror and said “today you will become a murderer.” That is the type of mental agony I went through and still continue to go through simply because I felt as if I had murdered my firstborn child due to my selfish actions.

Pregnancy and abortion is something that occurs frequently between couples. The issue is not just practicing safe sex, but having someone to go to when in need. As Tamils, we find unwed pregnancy to be such a crime that it restricts those who need someone to lean on in times of despair.

Through all this, I had no one I could go to. I was restricted by my partner as she did not want anyone to know. From the day we found out we were pregnant to months after we had aborted the child, I had to keep all of my emotions to myself. I tried my hardest to be there for my former partner and help her work through all of this. During this period, I struggled as she would often get sad, upset and angry and throw all her negative emotions at me. She would say things which should not have been said and act in uncontrollable ways due to her loss and her pain.

I am not trying to make her sound like a bad person because I could only try to comprehend the emotions and hardship she was going through. But by solely focusing on her, I forgot about myself. I ended up suffering through depression. I had held it all in to myself and suffered alone, and my depression got the best of me.

This was one of the darkest periods of my life. I had lost what was to be my first born child. I had forgotten to take care of myself and it had landed me in depression. To make matters worse, I did not confide in any of my friends or family in order to keep my word as she did not want anyone to know until now.

The emotional toll it took was incredible. Not a day goes by where in my head I don’t feel like I had committed murder. Not a day goes by where I don’t feel like I took away someone’s peace and happiness.

The one thing I did learn was that I am not the first person to go through this. Nor will I be the last. So I realized that maybe, just maybe, if I opened up about it then it would be possible for others to seek help when they are in need rather than keeping to themselves and suffering alone.

I have finally been put in a position in which I can share my story in the hopes that others seek help and comfort when in such a situation. One of the biggest reasons I have decided to share this story is because I believe that everyone should not only practice safe sex, but they should also be able to seek help when they are in need.

Many South Asian kids end up going through depression due to not being able to open up to their family, friends and parents especially. Our community has to open up to some extent in order to help and protect the younger generation who go through such hardship alone.

Every action has a reaction. Abortion might seem like the easy way out, but it does have its toll and you are not alone in this. There are people you can seek help from. If not a friend or family member, or a colleague or partner, then try talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist. Talking will help in so many ways, and it will help you heal when you feel like you are suffering alone.

If anyone reading this article ever needs to speak to someone, contact me at prakathesh10@gmail.com. I shall try to help you and talk to you when you are in need.

Related articles:

I’m a Tamil Woman and I Had a Baby Before Marriage
The Unwed Tamil Mother
Frozen Values: Is the Tamil Diaspora Caught in a Time Warp?

The post Dealing with Unwanted Pregnancy: A Tamil Man’s Perspective appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

For all you South Asian fashion lovers out there, here’s a behind-the-scenes fashion film of Little Black Sari’s recent campaign editorial.

The inspiration behind the shoot was to show the multitude of ways to style saris and lehngas. More photos from the shoot are being release over the course of the month so follow us on Instagram or Facebook to stay up to date!

All the beautiful pieces featured in the film are sold on littleblacksari.com.

Credits:

• Cinematography: p-your vision
• Styling: Dreamers Events
• MUAH: AK Makeup
• Photography: Ovyian Photography

The post Little Black Sari’s behind-the-scenes fashion film appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

Parthi Kandavel is a Toronto District School Board (TDSB) trustee serving Scarborough Southwest. While serving as a trustee, last October, Parthi played an instrumental role in recognizing January as Tamil Heritage Month at the school board. With approximately 12, 272 students enrolled in the TDSB who claim Tamil heritage, January has been distinctly marked to remember, celebrate and educate all students on Tamil culture, heritage, language, history and traditions.

Underscoring the importance of Tamil education and instilling pride in Tamil heritage, Parthi has shared  a few words in preparation for the TDSB’s Inaugural Tamil Heritage Month Celebration this Saturday at Woburn Collegiate Institute.

Why Tamil Heritage?

This past August, just before I stepped onto a plane to Europe for a family wedding, I posted on Facebook the then breaking news that Google had chosen a Tamil guy, Sundararajan Pichai, to become its new CEO.  Upon finding free wi-fi on our layover at Heathrow, I was surprised to see how viral the news had become in our community.  However, in retrospect, it is easy to understand why it instilled such pride in us to see him take the mantle of leadership of one of the world’s biggest, most valuable and innovative companies in the world.  Such feelings were not easy growing up as part of the 2nd generation in the diaspora.  As children and youth coming of age in the 90s, depictions of our community in the media were not positive and we didn’t see ourselves in the mainstream, while we were taught European history as civilization in our schools.

Thus, it was in this light, that it was a pleasure and a personal privilege for me to pass the motion to recognize January as Tamil Heritage Month at the Toronto District School Board.  It may be a surprise, but after English, Tamil is our 2nd biggest language group in the TDSB, with 12, 272 students of Tamil Heritage, roughly 5.5% of our total student body. As many of us are aware, Tamil is one of the longest surviving classical languages in the world with a rich literature, history and identity going back over 2000 years.  With significant presence in India, Sri Lanka, Malaysia, Singapore and South Africa, we have now planted roots in major cities in the West.  The recognition of this month will not only acknowledge students of Tamil Heritage, but provide all students an opportunity to understand Tamil traditions, history and culture.

For example, our students can learn how brilliant scientists like CV Raman and Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar have been recognized with Nobel prizes for their work in the sciences.  Srinivas Ramanujan has been heralded by mathematicians as a phenomenal genius without peer.   Vishwanathan Anand reigned as the World Chess Champion from 2007-2013.  Near home, we have seen the rise of Kamala Harris, Kamala is the Attorney General of California, with a strong opportunity to become the first U.S. Senator of Tamil heritage in 2016.  In Hollywood, comedians Aziz Ansari and Mindy Kaling, as well as director M Night Shyamalan continue to entertain us. In the music scene, the artist MIA, is renowned for her edgy and ground breaking music.  In the business world, Tamil-American Indra Nooyi in 2006 became the 5th CEO in Pepsi’s 44 year history – last year Fortune named her the 3rd most powerful woman in business.

Lastly, when we discuss these layered and multi-faceted ideas such as identity and culture, I am reminded of when former Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi addressed the UN Assembly in 1980.  She reached back 2000 years ago to quote a couplet from a Tamil poem: Yaadhum Oore, Yaavarum Kelir.  This translates as “To us all towns are one, all people our kin.”  This, I believe, captures the right spirit towards these notions of heritage, that each [identity] belongs to all, that we are all informed by each other’s culture and thus, stronger for it.

On behalf of the Toronto District School Board, I extend a warm invitation to all to join our students and families in celebrating Thai Pongal and Tamil Heritage at Woburn C.I. (2222 Ellesmere Road).  A reception will be held from 1-2pm, followed by our program from 2-6pm.  Our celebration is free and open to the public.  

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Toronto based artist Shan Vincent de Paul (SVDP) unveils the first single from his upcoming debut album, Saviors, due out Spring 2016. An emotional and powerful moment of enlightenment for Shan, “Die Iconic” was recorded and filmed the day after the birth of his daughter, Remedios X Vincent de Paul. The one-take video underscores the urgent and deeply personal content of his message.

SVDP draws no separation between the music and visual presentation in his work. Equally inspired by filmmakers such as Paul Thomas Anderson and Terrence Malick as he is by musicians such as Bjork, Kanye West, and Miles Davis. 

Born in Sri Lanka, SVDP and his family fled as refugees from civil war, eventually emigrating to Toronto. His Sri Lankan background emerges through his distinct aesthetic choices, inspired by traditional African and Indian textiles, reworked into contemporary fashion. With heavy use of religious imagery and cultural references, Shan’s art is heavily inspired by his unique background and Toronto’s multiculturalism.

shanvincentdepaul.com

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Uma Thurman (“Kill Bill”), Alexandra Daddario (“True Detective”), Barkhad Abdi (“Captain Phillips”) and Laurent Lafitte (“Little White Lies”) have joined Bollywood star Dhanush in Marjane Satrapi’s “The Extraordinary Journey of the Fakir.”

TF1 International reps the English-language project and will kick off pre-sales at Berlin’s European Film Market.

Gemma Arterton (“Hansel And Gretel”), Abel Jafri (“Timbuktu”) and Seema Biswas (“The Queen Bandit”) complete the cast.

“Extraordinary Journey” will mark the most ambitious project undertaken by Satrapi, the Iranian-born French comicbook artist and filmmaker behind Cannes’ jury prize winner “Persepolis” and “Chicken With Plums.”

Satrapi made her English-language debut with “The Voices” starring Ryan Reynolds.

Luc Bossi’s Brio Films is lead producing. Vamonos Films, Italy’s Paco Cinematografica and India’s Little Red Car are co-producing. “Extraordinary Journey” has already been picked up by SquareOne in Germany.

The comedy adventure tale is based on Romain Puértolas’ bestselling debut novel “The Extraordinary Journey of The Fakir Who Got Trapped In An Ikea Wardrobe” which came out in 2014 and has been translated into 35 languages. The novel tells the pilgrimage of a con man from India to an IKEA in Paris which turns into a philosophical odyssey…read more.

Image courtesy of Times of India.

The post Dhanush Joins Uma Thurman In “The Extraordinary Journey of the Fakir” appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

I met this man when I was 20. He changed my life forever.

He appeared to be in his late 70s, and reminisced about his life while in the hospital where I volunteered in my early university years.

My responsibility was to sit with scheduled elderly folks for 20 minute sessions once a week. Making small talk was something I was never talented in, and for some reason pretending simple puzzles were difficult and encouraging bedridden individuals to exercise looked more hopeful. That day, I walked into another grey room and left with new colours. He talked to me about his late wife.

“She was amazing. We did everything together,” he said with a warm smile while seated across me.

“She sounds great. Tell me about her,” I asked. His smile got wider.

“We were best friends. I feel like we traveled the world together. Well, almost.” I believed him.

“That’s literally my dream,” I said. “I want to see as much of the world as I can after paying off university of course.” I chuckled to myself as though that was the only problem I would have after finishing university.

“Well, you should. There should be nothing stopping you. My wife and I lived a normal life, made enough money for our little house and saved the rest just for travel.” He then spoke of some of his highlights – massive battle ships, unexpectedly seeing the Queen and much more. I stared at him in awe as the grey walls disappeared. The clock as well.

“You know, there are people my age sitting at home with thousands sitting in their bank account. What’s the point of that?” He looked disturbed. I shook my head, agreeing with his disgust.

“There’s not much you can do at that age anyway,” I said, immediately regretting it. After ten minutes of conversing with the gentleman, his frown suddenly didn’t seem as wide.

“I miss her.”

My mind went blank as there wasn’t much I could say to change that.

“Do you have any regrets? Anything you wish you could have done?” I slowly shifted up towards the edge of my chair. I don’t know why I asked that, but I did with confidence. He looked back up at me.

“No… no I don’t.”

“Well, I think that’s the definition of happiness,” I said with a smile. I forgot his name but I knew he couldn’t pronounce mine in the first place.

Our 20 minutes was up and I did not want to leave – a rare occasion I must admit. We looked at each other and everything felt better for the both of us.

My words may have helped him that day. But what I left the room with was none.

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TC Talks host Ari chats with two recently married Tamil men about what happens after the big day and their biggest learnings so far – including the role social media plays in their relationships.

The post TC Talks (Episode 01): Wedding, Marriage and Social Media: A Male Perspective appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

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Here are five items that are vital for you to present yourself in a well-put manner. There are some of the accessories that must be a part of every dapper man’s life. While some of these items may require designer brands, others you can get away with by purchasing buying knock-offs or spending less money.

1. Wallet

The two main purposes of a wallet are to carry your important items and to signal your material status. Unlike women, men tend to keep their wallets with only the most vital things such as credit cards, ID, cash and other membership cards. Nothing yells messy more than a fat wallet with cards and receipts poking out. When purchasing a wallet, make sure you buy a quality wallet as the appearance of your wallet will reflect your lifestyle. Let’s be honest – no one wants to be the guy with the old school Velcro wallets.

2. Timepiece

A man must at least have three varying timepieces in his armory. These three timepieces must all be of a different type to be worn based on the occasion.

First and foremost is your everyday watch. This is something you should choose based on your profession, comfort and personality. If you are a banker or a lawyer, don’t be rocking that G-shock.

Second is your casual watch. This is something wear when going out to socialize. This should be something versatile and appealing to the eye.

Third is your dress watch. This is something you wear with your suits and formal wear. I would recommend a simple watch without too much happening around it – something clean and slick. The great part about watches is that there are so many brands out there you could buy from. When it comes to buying the most expensive watch, it is not really something you have to focus on as long as they look nice and are within your budget. Though you should always have one leather watch and one metal watch, the third watch can be of your choosing.

3. Belt

A belt can determine whether you are someone who cares about your appearance. When wearing various outfits, make sure your belts match and that you are able to colour code your belt with your outfit. A mistake I see many men make is wearing a belt with suspenders. Even I was guilty of making this mistake when I was younger! Wearing a black belt with brown shoes is another mistake.

Make sure to have a couple of belts at your disposal based on the outfit you wish to rock on the day or occasion. Another plus point to belts is that unlike timepieces and wallets, they are not easily distinguishable whether they are an expensive item or a designer brand. You can get away with using knock-offs, though you have the risk of having one of low quality.

4. Sunglasses

Sunnies do more than just protect you from sun-rays. They also help protect the skin around your eyes from getting damaged. Besides the beauty tip of using them, another benefit is that wearing sunglasses adds style. It complements you and your personality and gives a bit of mystery to who you are behind them. And let’s be honest – if you have had a lack of sleep and have eye bags, what better way to hide them then wearing a nice pair of sunglasses?

You don’t need an expensive pair of shades to look good. You could always resort to Ray-bans, which are not only a good brand and affordable, but also have various styles to suit your need and preference. Whether you like Surya or Ajith, you must admit they look even better with shades on!

5. Shoes

Shoes are the fifth necessary accessory to complete your arsenal. They complete your outfit and define whether it is a good outfit. If you are wearing an Armani suit with New Balance kicks, let’s be honest – you will look like a fool. Sneakers seem to be the latest trend, so I would recommend owning a pair of casual sneakers.

In addition to what’s in, you must always own a nice pair of black dress shoes as they match any formal outfit. A good pair of runners is also necessary whether or not you are athletic; just own a pair as you’ll never know when you will need it!

Lastly, you also need a pair of all black casual shoes which you can wear as a daily as they match and go with nearly all outfits. This makes you get to roughly four shoes within your arsenal, though you can always keep buying shoes and have an ever-growing collection.

I own a pair of loafers, boat shoes, boots, suede shoes and brown dress shoes in addition to the four main ones. This way I not only have choice but also am able to dress based on my choice of attire on the day.

Alongside these I can name a few more accessories which are vital but not as vital as they are variable and mainly essential when wearing formal wear:

• Vast range of ties and bow ties
• Pocket squares (Rule – do not ever match it exactly with your tie)
• Cuff-links and Tie Clips (Match your outfit but also complement your timepiece)
• Card holders and money clips when going to places which you don’t want your wallet to be appearing out of your back pocket (ie. formal events)
• Socks can be a bit more on the wilder end as they can really be completely out there and you can still look good.

At the end of the day this is just my perspective. You can try to follow these guidelines… or ignore them at your own risk!

Related articles:
A Gentleman’s Guide to Formals: Belts and Suspenders
A Gentleman’s Guide: Deodorant vs Cologne
This is How You Become a Male Stylist and Turn Heads

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Disclaimer: This is not an article that has the answer to how to deal with hardship. Rather, it sheds light on how an ordinary person dealt with and overcame hardship.

The person I am talking about is myself. Everyone is not the same, but I would like to think that when others read this, people will take comfort in the single fact: they are not alone. It allows people to believe that it does not matter the amount of pain and loss you feel because for every downfall, there is always a bright spot.

My journey started in the summer of grade ten. I began to work out and started eating healthy because I just didn’t like who I was becoming or how I looked. On the first month, I lost five pounds. I continued to lose weight and people noticed. I was getting complimented left and right on how much weight I was losing.

What people didn’t know was that I had stopped eating junk food. I started measuring everything I ate, and I even ensured my calorie intake was within 900 – 1000 calories. I started to exercise excessively which showed because I started losing fat. But then I started losing stability. I got cold more quickly, got sicker and more exhausted faster, and lost energy more quickly.

I thought it was all OK because I was losing weight. Entering grade 11, I went from 160 to 130 pounds and everyone was amazed. But I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. I was too afraid that I would go back to my original weight. I started to lie to my friends and family that I wasn’t skipping meals when I was. I didn’t realize how “sick” I looked even though everyone was telling me that I looked like a twig.

My parents were concerned about my weight and wanted to know if I was OK. Then one day, during an appointment with my doctor, I found out that I had an eating disorder. With a weight of 99 pounds, I found out that I had anorexia.

Anorexia in our society goes shunned because many make comments such as:

“It was their fault”
“Did their parents not notice”
“Are they not educated enough”

These comments are what made me not accept that I had anorexia. I did not want to be pitied by anyone or shunned by society. Even after the doctor informed me of my issue, I did not accept it. It never hit me until I saw my father cry for the first time. I knew then that I had to change something.

It has now been about two years since I was 99 pounds. I have gained the right amount of weight back and still have an active lifestyle. Having an eating disorder does not mean that it’s the end for you. It just means that it’s the beginning. Many don’t accept that they have a problem because then it becomes too real. They just tell themselves that “everything is okay” over and over again. Yet deep down, they know it’s not – I know because I’ve been there and done that.

A famous quote I live by now is:

“If you want to kill yourself, kill what you don’t like. I had an old self that I killed. You can kill yourself too, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop living.”

The one thing I realize now is being beautiful isn’t about being skinny or size zero. It’s loving every inch and curve of your body and embracing everything about you. If you don’t love yourself, the number means nothing. Telling the world my story was the final stage. I have beaten my disorder, and I know there are others like me out there. I just want them to know that they aren’t alone. If I can do it so can they.

Now I am 19 and 141 pounds. I can finally say that I love who I am. This is me and this is my story.

After reading this, I hope those going through the same problem as I once did will be able to talk to someone and find support like I did. If anything, I am only a click away if you just want to be heard and feel important.

The post Overcoming Hardship: The Beginning of a New Life appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

With the rapid growth of the fitness industry, many are investing in it due to its quality return on investment. With that being said, it’s time to introduce Mithunan Jayamohan and Arkash Jayanandan, two cousins from Sydney, Australia who founded Jayaesthetics.

Jayaesthetics is a business founded by two physiotherapy students with a passion for fitness. They decided to start a fitness bootcamp for the Tamil community. After a year, it has grown so significantly that it now also caters to those outside the Tamil community. They now not only conduct a bootcamp three times a week, but they also sell merchandise and make educational YouTube videos about fitness.

Jayaesthetics is derived from their surnames, both which start with “Jay”. What started as just a family hashtag soon inspired the boys to make it into something legitimate and big. Today, Jayaesthetics is well known throughout the Tamil community within Sydney and is starting to make a name for itself. The two founding members have been working hard to provide all of their clients a quality service. They make sure that their programs are fun and beneficial, that their products are of quality, and that their videos are informational and entertaining.

Here is a link to their Jayaesthetics Bootcamp Facebook Page. If you want to show some support, give it a Like!

Below is one of their YouTube videos which discuss the use of juice cleanses. If you enjoy the vidoes and think they are beneficial, give them a Like and Subscribe.

If you reside in Sydney and want to train and get fit, definitely consider Jayaesthetics. If you happen to visit Sydney and want an intense yet fun workout, be sure to check these guys out!

The post Jayaesthetics Bootcamp appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

Thulasi Muttulingam, a journalist and aid worker based in Sri Lanka, is the woman behind the popular Humans of Northern Sri Lanka Facebook page. Started in late 2014, Thulasi created the medium as a way to share the inspiring stories of the many individuals she encountered, as she traveled the country helping with rehabilitation efforts of those affected by the war.

Formerly a full-time journalist in Colombo, Thulasi indicates they lived in a bubble of sorts- far removed from the rural war-affected communities and their realities. She felt that mainstream media lacked adequate funds allocation for committed journalists to travel and pursue stories in depth, a problem she also faced in Colombo. So, Thulasi quit her full-time journalism position and took on a role with an aid agency that afforded her the ability to the travel through the impacted areas that she wanted to access, to tell the stories of everyday people directly.

Her bosses at ZOA, the international aid agency she worked for, were quite accommodating of her moonlighting as a freelance journalist on the side, but she found herself not being able to write all the stories she came across, while working a full-time job. Her notebooks kept filling up, but most of the stories she heard remained untold. She felt guilty, but had no idea what to do.

Then one day, while browsing through Humans of New York on facebook, inspiration hit. Why could she not share the stories in this form? It would be much easier to do than the long form feature writing and investigative journalistic reporting format she was used to, for which she no longer had adequate time.

“And so Humans of Northern Sri Lanka was born … er I mean launched. Sorry I still think of it as my baby.”

Humans of Northen Sri Lanka is solely managed by Thulasi, who spends countless hours curating the stories of those who otherwise wouldn’t have an opportunity to share their experiences with the world. From time to time, in order to do justice to the beauty and diversity of the North, she also shares photos from her professional photographer friends.

Thulasi’s efforts are not free of challenges though. She’s no stranger to hate mail, which tends to come from people who had appointed themselves the ‘voice’ of the local people’s stories, having gone unchallenged or held accountable to facts for years.

“Rather hilariously, I have been accused of ‘hijacking’ the people’s voices and ‘appropriating their agency’ – because I ask the people directly about their lives and lived realities and relay it verbatim in quotes? Reading their hysterical messages, I sometimes wonder if they ever blush at their own hypocrisy.”

Despite the challenges, most of the feedback from followers around the world remains positive. It’s what gives her the motivation to keep at it. The stories shared on Humans of Northern Sri Lanka have led to financial aid for those in need via donors who read the stories and volunteer to assist. Thulasi facilitates these donor matches, while doing her best to maintain the Facebook page and juggling other work for her bread and butter. 

“It definitely feels good at the end of the day though.”

When asked about some of the most inspiring individuals she has come across, Thulasi recounts the stories of a one-armed man from Kilinochchi, disabled by artillery shelling in the war, yet still industrious and positive-minded and a fisherwoman from Mannar, treading fearlessly and single-handedly into the uniquely male domain of traditional Sri Lankan fishing.

If Thulasi had not pursued her current lifestyle, she feels she would have been a bitter member of the Diaspora, crunching numbers for a living. She knows, because she has lived it already. This was her parents dream for her. To make her an accountant and settle her as a citizen of either the UK or the USA. Being the product of traditional Tamil parenting, where she was raised to be a conformist daughter, she nearly went along with their expectations. Seven years spent in accounting however, convinced her it was not the life for her. Having grown up away from Sri Lanka, in the Maldives, she always knew being away from Sri Lanka was never an option for her in the long-term.

“It’s been a rather lonely life. Growing up in Maldives is not like growing up in Canada. We never could assimilate or be accepted into that culture so I was always  clear in my own mind that I am a Sri Lankan citizen. When I returned to Jaffna in 2002, straight after the ceasefire, I rather naively expected to fit right in. I did not know of the concept of third culture kids then and had no idea I was one. Following some rude but inevitable culture shocks, I hightailed it to Colombo where I proceeded to lick my wounds over the next ten years. At least in Colombo, there were other third culture kids like me and I was no longer so much an anomaly. Moving from the homogenous culture of the Maldives where I never could fit in, with so much expectation of FINALLY fitting in, to the  yet more homogenous culture of my particular community in Jaffna where again I clearly did not, was one of the most painful episodes of my life. I no longer try to fit in. I just am. Much to the annoyance of some people, but that cannot be helped either.

I am essentially a third culture kid currently engaged in mapping my roots. How long that process will take I don’t know but I gave myself five years when I relocated to my hometown of Jaffna in 2013, and two years have whizzed by already. I am unable to believe it. It might be just three years more, or it might be several. We’ll have to see.

I am sometimes accused of appropriating for myself the role of representative of the people of the North. That is the last thing I want or aspire to. I am very clearly NOT their representative. It’s just that as a trained and professional journalist, I came across many stories worth being told – and so I am telling them – as close as possible, in the people’s own words. So long as the stories (and my passion to relay them) remain, I will continue at this trajectory. How long that will last, we’ll have to see. It is certainly going to go on, for the foreseeable future.“

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Thank you Thulasi for sharing your story with us! For more information, please visit the Facebook page listed above.

The post Humans of Northern Sri Lanka appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

After the success of myTamilDate.com’s Valentine’s Day contest last year, the team is playing cupid again!

Here’s what a participant from last year’s contest said about their blind date:

“This was actually my first date after about a year, so I was very nervous.  And since this was ablind date, I wasn’t even sure what to expect.  We met up at the designated time.  I knew it was her when she walked in since she was the only other Tamil person there.  She was a lot prettier than I had expected.  I think I was more relieved that I was taller than her, since I’m not a very tall guy (I mentioned this to her after and she had a good laugh about it).  It was a lot less awkward than I thought it would be.  She was very nice and friendly, so the conversation started to pick up as time went by.  Of course, having a couple of drinks helped out as well.  We had some similar interests, so I found it relatively easy to talk and share with her…..I don’t have many opportunities to meet people with my current work/school schedule.  So, I would like to thank you for putting this together.  It was a good experience.

I would definitely be up for something like this again.”

And another one:

“Date went pretty well.  We matched up quite nicely (even past the similar common interests, there was similarities in our personalities.)  It was fun getting to know the person and taking the chance of trying this out.”

So, are you adventurous enough  to let the myTamilDate team set you up on a blind date? If you live in Toronto, here’s what you’ll need to do:

Send an e-mail to info@myTamilDate.com with the following info by Thurs Feb 11 :

• Your bio (Full name, age, what you do, what you like etc.)
• The 3 qualities you look for in a partner
• Your picture

They’ll do the rest of the work! If you’re chosen for a blind date, someone from myTamilDate will give you a shout. The main costs of the date will be covered by them and the date will be held during the day on Sunday, February 14.

Even if you’re not looking to date, you might know a single Tamil male or female looking for love or a chance to meet someone new – pass on the news!

The post Are You Adventurous Enough To Let myTamilDate Send You On A Blind Date? appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

For the first time ever you can catch the opening night of the world renowned TED Conference on the big screen!

And Monday night’s lineup of speakers in Vancouver features a few names you might just be familiar with – including Shonda Rhimes and AR Rahman. More details on the locations of screenings and how you can purchase tickets are available here.

TED2016’s theme is Dream and here’s what the organizers have to say about why it was chosen:

“Because dreams matter more than ever. Humanity has more capability, connection and possibility than ever in history. And yet too often we waste these powers. We get bogged down in the mundane. Confused by the complexity. Or exhausted by the naysayers.

It’s time to resurrect the spirit of John Kennedy’s great moonshot challenge of the 1960s. This will be a conference dedicated to great feats of imagineering, invention, innovation … and the courageous dreamers who can bring us with them on their journey. It will be a week to stare hard at humanity’s toughest challenges, and to listen carefully to those who can show us a way forward. A week to celebrate the proven creative brilliance of our generation’s best artists, designers and story-tellers. A week to stir the blood.“

For a full overview of this year’s Conference check out the Program Guide.

The post Opening Night At TED2016 Features AR Rahman appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

It was June 2008 when Nila Thana first met Divinemethod’s photographer Siva Haran on the set of a photo shoot.

“So who made the first move?”

“Siva did. Definitely.” Nila laughs. “He added me on Facebook that night when I got home and he was all like ‘Hey want to see your pictures from the photo shoot? I’ll send them to you. Add me on msn.’ …and he never showed me them!”

Getting Nila to add him on msn may not have taken a lot of convincing but anything more quickly proved to be a challenge for Siva. “I completely hated his guts. I never hated someone as much as I hated him,” Nila admits, explaining she quickly took Siva for a player. “I was also in a relationship at that time. He kept flirting with me and I just wouldn’t flirt back.”

It was a completely opposite experience for Siva who up until that point…well, pretty much was a ladies’ man. “She was the first girl I had ever pursued. I was a lot more popular back then and meeting women wasn’t hard for me, but then I met this one,” giving her a playful look.  When she was finally single in October, he made his first attempt at asking her out for a movie date– which she rejected – and he followed up soon after in February, this time proposing a coffee date.

“By October/November, we were connecting more instead of him just flirting all the time. I realized ‘Wow, this guy really has substance!’ but even then I wasn’t ready to date. I’ve never dated-dated. I get committed really fast. This was my first date-date.”

And how did she like her first date-date? Well it was enough for her to feign an interest in Siva’s tastes.

“It’s a funny story,” Siva smiles as he recalls. “I took her to Second Cup and I got her a chai latte without sugar and a banana bread because I like it and I thought, ‘Who doesn’t?’ But here’s the thing: I like coffee. She doesn’t like coffee. I don’t like sweet things. She likes sweet things. So I got her the chai latte and banana bread not knowing, and she ate it! She’s sitting there drinking unsweetened chai tea!”

They both laugh and Nila adds, “He asks, ‘How do you like it?’ and I’m like ‘So good!’

Their relationship quickly heated up. Two months into dating, Nila told her parents about Siva and they not only liked him, they immediately asked about the prospect of marriage. And so, three months later, Nila and Siva exchanged promise rings and started living together.

“And you both felt ready to take that step?”

Without hesitation, the response was a confident and unifying “Yes.”

Siva explained, “The conversations we were having made me realize that down at the core we were the same person and that was the most important. It was rare – I don’t find many people who are like me and who are like her,” he continues, “We’re are very similar on the important things but we’re very different when it comes to trivial things.”

“Completely opposite” she reaffirms.

“A lot of people think that someone is compatible with you because they like the same things as you. We both had been in previous long-term relationships and we learned from those relationships that this wasn’t the case. It’s when shit hits the fan, you realize you are the same; your moral values align.”

Shit did hit the fan two years into their relationship when they had to face one of the most difficult periods in their lives: Siva was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lymphoma and was told by the doctors that he wouldn’t live.

“The most romantic thing she’s ever done for me is to fall asleep on the hospital bed with me”, Siva proclaims as his eyes swell up with tears. “I was 80lbs and looked like Lord Voldemort and she told me that I was still the most handsome man she had ever met.” His eyes continue to swell, ““A lot of people will be there for you…but to be there for you mind, body, and soul…and really being there for not just me but my family. Even when the doctors told me I wouldn’t live, she was still there.”

And he would still be there too. A year later and cancer free, Nila and Siva got legally married, and shortly after had their religious ceremony.

As our conversation continued, I felt like I was watching two young teenagers falling in love for the first time. From the way they looked at each other to their playfulness of their words and body language, this was the type of material a good Nicolas Sparks novel was made out of. Often a cynic myself, I probed them on how they feel about keeping their relationship strong after seven years, in a generation of prolonged commitment and the ability to meet new people being just at one’s fingertips.

“We know that you can look at someone and be physically attracted and flirt, but we know what our boundaries are. Our relationship is so strong, we even check out people together! […] We know who we are and what our love means to us. There is no other person in the world that would be the same as her and I would be.”

They both also admitted that as harmonious and connected as they seemed now, there was a period in their marriage where they had their challenges, having difficulty communicating with each other, so much that they created a blog where they could share their feelings. Using writing as an outlet comes as no surprise for these two creatives, who strongly support each other’s endeavours and individual successes – hers in beauty and his in photography. They have become one of those social media “it” couples exchanging sweet nothings on each other’s photos, which now talking to them in person I see is just a reflection of their physical life.

Siva thinks back to that Second Cup coffee date, “We were just sitting there staring into each other’s eyes and it’s always the same feeling …it’s never gone away.”

 ———–

Create your love story at myTamilDate.com – the best place to meet Tamil singles online. 

The post The Seven Year Spark appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

This video created by Yashtra takes you through an entertaining journey of Tamil cinema. It’s pretty amazing!

The post An Amazing Journey Through Tamil Cinema appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

Ara, Archana, Gaj and Niluja  (some single and some married) chat about their views about Valentine’s Day.

***Got a topic you’d like us to cover on the show? Send us an email at info@tamilculture.com.***

Are you single? Are you interested in meeting Tamil singles in your city and across the world? Join myTamilDate.com!

Related articles:

TC Talks (Episode 01): Wedding, Marriage and Social Media: A Male Perspective
The Single Tamil Male Monologues
So You Just Got Dumped. What’s Next?
They say “Not Interested.” You say “Awesome!”

The post TC Talks (Episode 02): Is Valentine’s Day Pointless? appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

If you’ve ever eaten home-cooked Sri Lankan cutlets, you know how good they are and you just can’t stop at one (or two)! But sometimes I’m torn between what my belly is demanding (eat another delicious cutlet) and what my brain is telling me (but they are deep fried). So the other day, I was in the kitchen and decided to try my luck on a healthy twist of our traditional fish cutlets. These were fish cakes versus cutlets as I figured they would be easier to flip and fry on a pan as I didn’t want to dip them in a deep fryer.

Tuna Fish Cake Recipe:

Ingredients:
1 can Tuna
1 egg
1/4 tsp chili powder
1/4 tsp crushed chili flakes
3/4 tsp black pepper
1/4 tsp dill
1/4 tsp cayenne
1/4 cup homemade hummus
2 tbsp Greek yogurt
1/4 cup shredded carrot
3/4 cup – 1 cup organic spelt breadcrumbs

Directions:
1) Combine all of the above EXCEPT breadcrumbs.
2) Put mixture in the fridge for 1 hour (this helps tuna mixture stay together).
3) After 1 hour, remove and form 1 inch thick patties that are about 3 inches wide.
4) Pat each cake in bread crumbs, twice.
5) Heat 5 tbsp of extra virgin olive oil on medium heat. Fry patties for approximately 8 minutes on each side.

Garnish with fresh lemon and enjoy!

***Follow more of Claudia’s foodie adventures through her Instagram account – https://www.instagram.com/6ixeatsandthecity/

The post Fish Cutlets, with a Healthy Twist! appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

Senthoorselvan Selvaratnam looked at his new name again. It must have been the hundredth time that he had scribbled his new name and looked at it. He read it aloud in his quiet and dimly lit room. It sounded awkward at first. Soon it started to seem reasonable. He felt satisfied by his new name “Sen”. It was pronounceable, and it had just three letters compared to his real name. “Now, nobody will ask me what my Canadian name is,” he thought.

He did not feel any remorse in shortening his name. There were reasons why he had to cut it short. Almost all of the students in his class had a hard time remembering his name, let alone pronouncing it properly. Some kind souls who would try to call him by his name would stop in the middle to take a quick breath. The politically correct types referred to him as the guy with dark hair in their conversations. To the not so politically correct, he was “that Indian guy with glasses”.

His math teacher often was embarrassed about not being able to remember his name. His gym teacher said “Hi there” whenever she passed by him, even though she addressed others by their names. It did not bother him in the beginning. But soon it started to worry him for the thought he had no identity without his name.

There were other worries as well. He was faced with the daunting task of spelling his name to the administrators at school. When asked for his name, he would say “It’s Senthoorselvan. S as in Sam. E as in Elephant. N as in Nancy…” Soon he started to carry a piece of paper with his name written in capital letters. When faced with a request for his name, he would simply take that piece of paper and give it to them. “Here you go,” he would say with a smile outside and a frown inside.

It wasn’t just Canadians who had trouble with his name. Even computers had trouble accepting his name. The computers thay the administrators used would take only 10 letters for first names. “Poor programmers,” he would think. “They did not anticipate Tamil names.”

His parents had reasons to name him Senthoorselvan. Certainly, his father was a happy man when his first son was born. He looked into his child’s eye and named him Senthoor. He dreamed that his son would accomplish whatever he could not achieve in his life. He wanted him to become Prime Minister of Sri Lanka. His mother, the pious lady that she was, consulted the head priest in her village and added “selvan” to her son’s name. Thus, he became Senthoorselvan. She hoped that he would become a good doctor and serve the entire village.
 

Their hopes disappeared the moment the Selvaratnam family moved to Canada. Senthoorselvsan’s first day changed his perceptions of the country. He expected to see people the colour of snow travelling by cars on highways alongside people travelling by dogsleds. But he saw people of different colours: white, black, brown, yellow. They came in all sizes. His high school resembled a mini-United Nations with names that paralleled a UN roll call. Senthoorselvan felt comfortable in the new cosmopolitan environment – an environment that appeared perfect to accept him.

It did not take him long to realize that this environment was just a mirage. Like a poor man’s image of wealth, it was an immigrant youth’s mirage of acceptance. Six months had passed since he came to Canada and joined the high school. There was no one in his class for him to call a friend, or even to call an acquaintance. No one came and talked to him. Even the talkative guy next to him in class talked to each person at every side of his desk, but not to Senthoorselvan.

He felt lonely. Soon, he began to have a feeling that he was unwanted and unwelcome in his new land. Each day reinforced that he was an outsider, different from everyone else. When his math teacher asked a simple question in algebra class, he would not answer. He did not want others to hear his rough, accented voice. “What if the class finds out I’m an outsider? A new kid in the class of established kids.” So he kept silent. Soon his worries started to depress him.

Senthoorselvan found it hard to adjust to this new land. He felt like a wild rabbit that had grown up in the forest that had been caught and made to grow in a house. The change in climate, language and culture baffled him. But he wanted to fit in, be accepted and to succeed in life.

Days passed. Seasons changed. Summer was too hot to bear. Fall was balmy, but soon it started giving way to winter. The enthusiasm and optimism he felt when he started high school began to fade. Senthoorselvan was not ready for the harsh winter ahead. Neither was he ready for another depressing semester.

One day, he sat in his quiet and dimly lit room with thoughts about his life ahead. The “tick, tick” from the clock did not interrupt his thoughts. Suddenly, a thought struck him like a lightning bolt. “Maybe it is my fault that no one talks to me,” he thought. “It is time that I start going around and introducing myself. Maybe I should let everyone know who I am… The first step towards that direction is to change my name. Perhaps shorten it,” he thought. He wrote his full name down on a sheet of paper and scratched out all the letters except the first three.

The response was overwhelming. Senthoorselvan noticed a perceptible change in his classmates’ attitude towards him. Soon, “Sen” became as much used as “Mike” and “John” and “Jennifer” in his class. It became acceptable to everyone with different cultural backgrounds.

Ms. McLennan, the math teacher who was sympathetic to immigrant students, stopped by and talked to him, often dropping his name in conversation. The student of Chinese heritage who sat next to him called him “Zen.” The gym teacher winked and said “Hi Sen” when she passed by Senthoorselvan in the hall. The group of black students near the locker greeted him in unison, “What’s up Sen?” Melissa, the blonde and undeniably the most beautiful girl in class, asked him if he had an extra pen to borrow. He gave her his black pen. “Here is another one, in case that one runs out of ink.” He gave her another pen.

Senthoorselvan could not have asked for more. He started to make new friends and gradually felt himself being pulled into the Canadian mosaic. He felt as if the entire global community was accepting his new name.

Three weeks later, Sen expected a call from Melissa. Both of them had planned to work on a chemistry presentation. Noticing she had not called, Sen asked his mother if anyone had called for him. His mother, busy with wiping the dishes in the kitchen, continued wiping the plates without looking at the impatient Sen. “Not that I can think of,” she said, once she was finished with her first dish. “Ah, but someone keep calling us and asked for Shen or Shan or Zen.”

Sen’s face turned pale. His eyebrows went up. “Sen,” he said in a raised voice. “That’s me. I’m Sen.”

His mother looked at him in bewilderment. “You’re Sen? What are you talking about? You’re not Sen,” she said, shifting all her attention from the dishes to her son.

“Yes, I’m Sen. I shortened my name so that Canadians will know me, recognize me,” he said with shoulders shrugged.

His mother could not understand the thoughts of a youth eagerly trying to fit in. Neither did she bother to try to understand them. “But we did not name you Senthoorselvan for no reason. Your name represents our religion. You were named after Lord Murugan.” She continued on.

But Sen did not continue to listen. He began walking to his room with his mother’s voice receding in the background. He sat on his chair, but could not resist laughing at the irony: When the whole world had now accepted his name, his parents would not accept it.

– R. Nada

Related articles:

What’s in a Name?
10 Things You Have to Deal With If You Have a “Foreign” Name
Finding Tamil Identity

The post What’s in a Tamil Name: The Story of Senthoorselvan Selvaratnam appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

Depression is an extremely hard topic to talk about especially within the Tamil community. There is a stigma attached to depression as we are told that we have no reason to be depressed. It was our parents who went through war-torn times, who lived to survive, and who sacrificed everything to provide for us. So why should we feel depressed? What hardships do we have to endure that could even equate to what they experienced?

Sinve I’ve seen only half of the things my parents have been through, I was ashamed of having depressive thoughts. I hid behind my giggly personality. Everything is easier when you’re fine.

You never know when depression will hit you. You never know if you are going to be okay that day. It’s always lingering in the back of your mind, like a persistent shadow. Sometimes it’s easier to ignore it and sometimes it completely takes over. It became harder for me to go outside or even leave my bed. I started to sink further into this hole that I was burying myself into. The more I sank, the less I had to look forward to.

I started getting panic attacks and would cry for absolutely no reason. Being inactive and enclosed led to weight gain. I wasn’t overeating – I was just immobile. I started losing hair and became heavily malnourished. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore. As this destructive cycle continued, I sometimes felt like giving up. The only thing holding me back was the thought of my family.

It was a very dark time. I wasn’t myself. Thinking back, I don’t even think I could relate to the person I once was. I was this extremely bright candle and all of a sudden the flame turned to smoke. Reading the old passages I used to write seem so distant to me.

“There’s never really a time when my mind isn’t quiet. I just want it to shut up and stop reminding me of the things I have yet to do and the goals that I am far away from and my expectations and dreams that I have to fulfill. I get so caught up with every single task and demand and just freak out and forget to do the little things that are necessary to function, to breathe.

Breathing is my last priority and gets lost in a sea of to dos and makes me so anxious and panicked until I finally break down and eventually pick my self up again after a long time of self loathing and reevaluation of why I’m even here. I hate this cycle of destruction where nothing really is restored in the end, but gets destroyed even more until I’m left with nothing and no one. I feel empty, like I’m in a constant void.”

My level of depression was not as severe as it could have been. I was fully aware that some people have it much worse. However, nothing you endure can be compared to someone else’s battle, no matter the intensity. I was so used to hearing that I had no excuse to feel this way.

That’s the thing about mental health; the pain that is endured is subjective. There is a long period of grieving and healing until you decide that you will not let it take over your life anymore. The hardest battle to fight is the battle against yourself. Everyone has their own way of coping. I slept – a lot. And I’ve learned that the only person responsible for your quality life is you.

Sometimes our parents or family members won’t understand what we are going through and that’s okay. When my mom found out, she tried to get as much information from me as possible. But I really did not want to talk to her about how I felt, which is why I sought out a counselor. I preferred to talk to someone who was detached from my life because I had no relation to them whatsoever.

I felt ashamed about talking to my mom about my “problems” when they seemed like nothing compared to hers. My grandmother was even mad at me for feeling this way. Why was I unsatisfied with my life when everything was provided for me?  I couldn’t even answer her question, but I knew that there was no way of trying to explain this to her. You just have to move on.

During the healing process, there will be some good days and some bad days. But you will pick yourself up again. It’s a good idea to keep yourself distracted with a routine that doesn’t allow for free time to think to yourself, and to constantly be surrounded by people. This will force you to talk about other things. The pace of getting through these stages is all up to you. The simplest things like getting out of bed everyday will become accomplishments, and in the midst of everything you will eventually find yourself again.

If you are showing symptoms of depression that are progressively getting worse, please contact your physician immediately.

If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, call 911 or Telehealth Ontario at 1-866-797-0000

MENTAL HEALTH HELPLINE: 1-866-531-2600

Related articles:
My Best Friend Helped Me Battle Depression When My Mother Wouldn’t
My Girlfriend Tried To Kill Herself
“T’is the Season to be Cranky” (How to beat the Winter Blues)

The post Depression: Let’s Talk appeared first on TamilCulture.com.