Have you ever had a family member or friend give you advice on love saying that “you must love yourself first before you can truly love others?” I use to just take it in one ear and out the other as if it was the most ridiculous advice I had ever heard. Well, after many years of experience, as cliché as it does sound, it’s actually TRUE. I’ve never really understood the importance of self-love but I now realize that “the way you treat yourself sets the standards for others” – Sonya Friedman

In the world of dating and relationships, it can be hard to put yourself first as women generally are nurturers and givers compared to men. Self-love is often neglected, especially when a woman becomes a mother. Though it is a great quality to be self-less, it can sometimes cause more harm than good when looking for a romantic relationship. I remember watching an interview on Oprah with Life Coach, Iyanla Vanzant about putting yourself first and she mentioned something that changed my views on selfishness forever. She says, “It’s not considered selfish to put yourself first but it’s rather self-full. When you start sacrificing yourself for other people, you make them a thief because they are stealing from you what you need and they don’t even know it”. What it means to be self-full is the basis of this article. It is to be as good as possible to you, to take care of you, to keep you whole and healthy in order to serve others. So how can we start loving ourselves first?

MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY

To make yourself a priority, you need to start by treating your body like a temple. This means eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, being physically active, and practising meditation. Not only will you look and feel amazing, but you will also be happier and much better company to others when you’re radiating with positive energy. A lot of times we try to please others in the hopes of maintaining strong ties with family and friends or for the fear of missing out (FOMO). But attending every family function and allowing Tamil aunties to put more food on your plate is not doing your fitness regime any good. Maintaining your healthy weight takes due diligence and sacrifice and sometimes these parties can set you back from obtaining your fitness goals. Even hanging out late night with friends every weekend can wreak havoc on your health in the long run. When we were young, it was easy to stay up and party ’til 3 a.m., but as you get older, you have more responsibilities at work and home and this requires getting in enough Zzz for your  physical health. Practising meditation is also integral for relaxing our mind and soul. Taking a few minutes to calm down and focus on your breathing will put you in a good mood and help cope with stress better.

Not only is it important to prioritize our health over social events, but it is also important to establish boundaries and learn how to say NO to the things that don’t serve you or fit in with your schedule. This is an attractive quality to have as people begin to value your time more and you make better use of your time surrounded by people that bring you up in life. When you begin to use your time more wisely on things such as starting a new venture or taking on a new hobby, you start to live your life’s purpose and seek out your passion. When you become passionate about something, you are creating deep love from within. By prioritizing your needs, you will start discovering who you truly are.  When you know yourself well enough, you will be able to stand up for your thoughts and opinions and refuse to do things to please others.

PRACTICE BEING GRATEFUL

Being grateful is essential for your happiness. We live in a world where we care so much about what other people think of us, whether or not we are a success or a failure. This is called Status Anxiety. If we don’t learn to practice gratitude, we will always be living with misery. For example, singles often complain of feeling lonely and seek to be in relationships. But then there are people who are in relationships that either still feel alone or suffocated by their partner looking for the freedom of being single again. On the flip side, there are people that are in healthy relationships who compare themselves to their married friends and wish for their turn to come around sooner. Then there are married couples who look at other families and wish they had a kid. This is a never ending conundrum. Does this mean you are unsuccessful if you’re single and living on your own with your pet dog? No. This is why it is so important to stay present and embrace the life you have right now by practising gratitude.

DO SOME INTERNAL WORK

Figure out why you are eager to be in a relationship in the first place. Is it from a fear based on loss or security, comparing yourself to others, or because time is running out? If that’s the case, then this is the time to put in the work to create the best life possible for yourself. They say like attracts like so if you’ve been attracting the type of guys or girls who were non-committal, unemotional or too needy, chances are you were emitting low vibrations because you yourself had internal issues that needed work. You shouldn’t have to lean on someone to come save you or rather glorify their existence by putting them on a pedestal because of those certain qualities they have that you felt you lacked. Instead, become that person who has that hot body, career, social life, owns a car and home or whatever it is that you fancy in a partner. When both individuals have discovered themselves independently, it makes way for a beautiful partnership as one. Trust that when the time is right the universe will bring you that special person who complements you.

By making yourself a priority, practising gratitude and doing some internal work, you are well on your way to creating the love life you’ve always desired to have. Never neglect making time for yourself even after you attract the right person into your life because it’s one thing to find a partner but it’s another thing to keep it going strong. Everyone has their time and place for certain milestones to occur in their life. It was written in the stars so let the universe do its job while you focus on loving you.

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What is Toronto to you?

… hometown?

… a place to have fun?

… where you went to school?

… a new home?

Whether you were born in Toronto, grew up here, or just visiting, everyone experiences this city in a different way. As someone who immigrated to Toronto from Sri Lanka at a very young age, this city has become my home. No matter where in this world I travel to, seeing the city from the plane as it lands is a feeling I never get tired of. It has so much to offer and every day I find something new here that I never knew about before.

Earlier this year, the elections in the states brought out a lot of negative energy world wide, and it was devastating to see hate starting to spread, even in Canada. I wanted to create something that was light-hearted and positive, and just show this city that I call home through a positive lens. One of my favourite responses that I received through this project is from Sana, a yoga teacher and dietitian who recently moved to Toronto from Kuwait. She says, “Toronto is a cold city, with warm people.” 

I reached out to 10 Torontonians and asked them, “If you could describe Toronto in a single word, what would it be?”

These were their answers:

“Art” – Xyza

“Paradise” – Janarth

“Friendly” – Sana

“Versatile” – Jaideep

See the rest of the series here: https://goo.gl/x1HqlS

Photography: Nila Sivatheesan

The post Toronto in a Word appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

Lakshmi Iyer is a proud mother of three children. After adopting their twin girls, who happen to be white, she gave birth to their third child. In a piece she has penned for Huffpost and Adoptive Families, she discusses the questions and experiences she regularly navigates with regards to raising a non-traditional family.

When one of her daughters asks “Am I Indian?”

How others react to their family:

“My children will walk into interviews and challenge assumptions made based on their names. They will walk the streets of Chennai and speak Tamil with consummate ease. They will know how to make dosas, and how to bake a mean banana bread. My children will bridge cultures and define themselves all over again as adults.”

Read the complete article here.

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The post Experiences of a Tamil-American Family with Adopted White Children appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

Like many South African Tamils from my generation, I cannot speak, write or read Tamil.

Of late it has become a stain in my mind, and a flame inside of me has started to build, yearning to be able to learn my native tongue. There are times in life when the universe just presents opportunities that we must embrace. Recently, I saw a Facebook post on a social site for lessons in my area, starting in a few days time. I eagerly shot out an email to my sister, who was just as enthusiastic as me to learn Tamil, so I contacted the tutor and confirmed my attendance.

My sister and I are an interesting pair. We always have each other’s backs, but we are poles apart in terms of personality and behaviour. We get to this school and have no idea where to go. Now here was are in our 30s, feeling just like it’s our very first day at school all over again. Of course, we can not just hang around and wait! We eventually follow the Tamil-looking individuals that pass us by and ask if they’re attending the class. It turns out that the person we were addressing with our posh South African English, is actually the Tamil teacher. She kindly leads the way. We enter this class feeling very nervous and really unsure of what to do with ourselves. It is that ‘hanging around like we really don’t belong’ kind of feeling. THEN, in stream the kids! And when I say kids, I mean children between the ages of 5 and 12. They’re all extremely fluent in Tamil because although they live in South Africa, they speak Tamil at home. My sister and I stand out like sore thumbs, not simply because of our age, but mostly because we we are in the ‘idiot’ zone where the language is concerned.

We find a spot at the back of the class to remain inconspicuous as the children roll out conversations interchanging Tamil and English. A girl of about eight sits across from us.  When the teacher said, ‘Kaalai Vannakum’ I ask her what the first word was because I only understood vannakum. After a few attempts, I finally get it!

Then comes the moment where we have to introduce ourselves to the rest of the class. Of course, my sister and I are looked at as the ‘aunties’ in the class and the teacher asks the children to help us out. Our introductions go something  like this:

Teacher: Un peyar yenna (What’s your name?)

Child: Yen peyar … (My name is …)

Teacher to me: Un peyar yenna?

Me: I’m sorry, I don’t understand what this means. Please explain and also help me answer.

Class: (giggles)

Teacher explains.

I blush!

Another teacher comes along to help my sister and I with the tamil alphabet. We start with the basic vowels and have to repeat each vowel five times. My juvenile scribble is embarrassing. However, I quickly discover that my sister very conveniently eliminated some information about her childhood to me. This is revealed only at the time when she starts to scribe perfectly formed letters; SHE ATTENDED TAMIL CLASS FROM AGES 7 TO 10!!! How did I not know this? It was at this point that her memory was triggered and she becomes the alpha between us. As alphas go, she has to frequently point out all of my errors. In fact, she even points them out to the teacher who goes on to elaborate that younger sisters are often show offs, and she knows this because she is the younger sister. At least that was cleared up!

We wrap up the class feeling so much more confident and truly very inspired. On the way home we even start to practice to the different terms for morning, afternoon and evening. Our teacher tells us to try and speak Tamil in class so that it will help us gain confidence. Just like every school experience, we are given homework. I have my set of vowels down to a neat order now and I plan on tackling the consonants THIS week. I cannot wait for class next Saturday and I, for one, am extremely chuffed that I am over my nerves of walking into a classroom full of children. For the next class I will most certainly be a more confident aunty!

YEN PEYAR NIRVANI!

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Video by: Digital Fusion

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As a 20-something Tamil male, who has barely had any exposure to Bharathanatyam or high tea, the recent Ceylon Tea Room event with Ceylon pastries, tea and classical dance was a great way to learn and experience something new.

The 2nd Annual Ceylon Tea Room event was held at the Benares Historic House located in Mississauga, Ontario where the original family possessions of the Harris and Sayers families have been kept for four generations. From 1819 – 1823, Captain Harris traveled to Varanasi, a north Indian city, also known as Benares. It was a custom in the 17th century for the British to name their property based on an experience, whether life, inspiration or spiritual significance. “For Captain Harris, the name Benares refers to his travels in India and could possibly address his curiosity and interest in the spiritual aspect of world religions.”

The only time I came across Bharathanatyam was in Tamil films, but to see it live was astounding. For those without a clear understanding, Bharathanatyam is a classical dance which originated in Tamil Nadu, India. “It is performed mostly by women expressing Hindu religious themes and spiritual ideas. Its style includes a sophisticated vocabulary of sign language, based on gestures of hands, feet, eyes and face muscles.”

The hostess, Stephanie Kavita Pathinather, explained to the audience where the concept of high tea emerged. “Afternoon tea was introduced in England by Anna, the seventh Duchess of Bedford, in the year 1840. The Duchess would become hungry in the afternoon and the evening meal in her household was served fashionably late at eight o’clock, thus leaving a long period of time between lunch and dinner. The Duchess asked that a tray of tea, bread and butter, sandwich and cake be brought to her room during the late afternoon. This became a habit of hers and she began inviting friends to join her. As time went on, afternoon tea became a fashionable social event.”

The venue was outside in front of the Benares Historic House and it was elegantly set up with a mix of peach and white colours. There was a beautiful photo booth set up for guests to take pictures. As we had a very hot temperature that day, there was also a drink station set up for the guests.

As everyone found their seats, pastries such as patties, cutlet, tuna sandwich and cake were served. Each table was also served with a tray full of sweet coconut milk appam. We then had the option of choosing 2/4 Ceylon tea collections per table. Our table selected Ceylon Black Tea and Ceylon Honey and Ginger Tea. They were freshly brewed and served at our table in tea pots. I can assure you the tea tasted different than the common Tetley’s or Tim Horton’s. As we continued to comfortably eat and drink, the Bharathanatyam performance commenced on the porch of the Benares Historic House facing the audience, which I thought was a fabulous idea.

Stephanie Kavita Pathinather, Dharani Nimal, Thagsiha Wignarajan, Nerushikaa Yasokumar and Sinthuja Maria Antony studied Bharathanatyam from Guru Nirainjana Chandru (who was also present at the event) and graduated from Kalaimanram as dance teachers with a Niruththa Niraignar title. Since then they have created their own Dance Institution, Apsaras. They conceptualize and choreograph their own shows, like the Ceylon Tea Room. My favourite dance performance from this event was “Thikkuth Theriyatha Kaatil” written by the famous Bharathiyar and beautifully sung by Nithyasree Mahadevan, Carnatic musician and playback singer in many Indian languages. It was a beautiful poetic dance about a young woman who ventures into the wild forest to search for her love, Krishna. During her search, a hunter stumbles upon her and falls in love instantly and tries to win her over. The dance was beautifully choreographed.

Prisha Anton, Thaksha Balanathan, Shumiya Vasanthakumar, Sharranya Vasanthakumar, Ranosa Rathichelvan and Prena Varatharajan are students from Sinthu’s Kalaimanram Dance School who performed the “Deepam” dance. It was impressive to see how these young girls were able to express such emotion and enthusiasm while performing. Once the performance ended, the guests were invited for a tour around the Benares Historic House.

I want to thank the Apsaras team for inviting me to this great event. At a low cost ticket price, you surely do get a full experience of a two hour Ceylon taste and feel with top class hospitality from the organizers of this event.

Be sure to check out and contact Apsaras if you are interested in learning Bharathanatyam. I encourage anyone who would like to enjoy a relaxing outdoor event filled with Ceylon history and culture to attend the Ceylon Tea Room next year!

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Today is World Refugee Day. It’s observed on June 20th every year to bring awareness to the plight of refugees worldwide.

In recognition of World Refugee Day, this lifeboat will be making a stop at an event at Ryerson University in Toronto as part of its Canadian tour. Over 30 years ago, the lifeboat brought 75 Tamil refugees to the coast of Newfoundland, where they were rescued by fisherman Gus Dalton, after being stranded for three and a half days in the ocean.

“That idea of people finding hope in boats has never changed. It’s been ongoing for a thousand years,” said filmmaker Cyrus Sander Singh in an interview with the Toronto Star, who brought the boat to Toronto from St.John’s, Newfoundland in the summer of 2016.

Continue reading:

Retrieved lifeboat tells stories of Tamil refugees

“It still carries their story: lifeboat becomes symbol of hope on World Refugee Day”

Related Article:

Tamil Journeys ’86: Marking the 30th Anniversary of a Historic Rescue at Sea

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It was a beautiful day. A day that had risen in the aftermath of a storm. The birds had come out to sing. Children running around the park without any idea of the heartbreak the years ahead may bring them. Couples were walking hand in hand – hoping that the other does not let go before they do.

We sat there in silence. Our storm had also subsided. After a 1000 days of being in our own world, where we made each other laugh, made each other cry, made each other scream with anger …it was over. Our beautiful journey together had abruptly come to an end. My mouth was dry. Unable to shed tears at the risk of damaging my alpha male avatar – I just sat there. She silently wiped away her tears and walked away. Walked away from the 1000 days of us. That was the last time I ever saw her.

I remember the first day we had met. After years of meaningless pursuit of something meaningful, I was ready to accept that I may never find what I was looking for. Then one fine day she literally walked in to my life. She had an air of quiet confidence that unsettled me. As we spoke, I wanted to pause every moment to understand the way I was feeling around her. As she left the room, I took a deep breath, composed myself and decided that she was the lost meaning that I was looking for in a sea of meaningless words and I had to do all I can to make her feel the same. Luckily, for me, she also saw something in me that she wanted to explore.

What followed was 1000 days of our two lives intertwining, with an emotional intensity that created an impenetrable bubble around us. As the days glided by, our differences became evident but we refused to let them extinguish the fire that burned so brightly. Things moved fast. We told our parents and they were overjoyed. They wanted us to make it official and tie the knot but we told them there was time. We had all the time in the world because nothing was going to change the way we felt about each other. Our friends sensed that this may not end well, but their reservations were overshadowed by our overwhelming desire to be with each other. As we crossed the 500 days of us, we fought more frequently but made up even more passionately. The cracks began to appear but we wanted this to work so much that we just ignored them. Suddenly the things that made us smile about each other started to wear us down. The emotional intensity was still there but it was fuelled by anger, turning into resentment. We began to grow apart. This culminated on the thousandth day of us. We sat in silence like strangers. It was over. Our story had run its course.

The first few days after the thousandth day was a haze. It was the first time in 1000 days that I had not heard her voice. In the following weeks, I resorted to blocking out the thought of her and engaging in my newfound singledom. However, I struggled to fill the void created by her absence. I woke up one morning in a panic as I realised that memories of her were slowly starting to fade. This hit me like a bullet. I looked at her photos to remind me of her face. I walked the streets that we had walked together – hand in hand. I listened to the music that she liked. I ate the food the she loved. I sat at our favourite coffee shop, hoping that she will walk in.

One day my phone rang – her name flashed across the screen. My heart skipped a beat. I answered. First few minutes of pleasantries was followed by a few minutes of silence. Then she said the words that broke me. She told me that she has started to see someone else and wanted to let me know herself. I took a deep breath, composed myself, thanked her for letting me know and ended the call. It felt like an out of body experience. As I snapped out of my daze, the reality of her words hit me hard. I could not understand how she could move on so easily. Why she did not mourn the end of our time together as I did. How can the hand that once held me mine so tightly betray me by holding another? As the years went by, news of her engagement and then marriage came through. Each time it felt like a stab in the heart. I was angry with her. I was angry with myself for letting her make me feel this way.

It has now been over 5 years since the thousandth day of us. In these five years, I have learned many things. The most important being that everyone is responsible for their own happiness and you cannot begrudge anyone for making choices in pursuit of this. I look back now and understand the choices she made. Those 1000 days will always remain a special period in my life and I hope that, wherever she is, they mean something too her too. Maybe one day we will meet again and be able to share a smile about those 1000 days of us.

Featured image: Screen grab from Nijamthaana song.

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If you saw me walking down the street, you would never know that I have postpartum depression or that I’m currently diagnosed with clinical depression. I put on a smile and walk around keeping this disease a secret, afraid of what society will say because I do not want to be judged.

In the postpartum stage 7.5% of women have experienced some sort of depression. Most women don’t tell anyone for the same reasons that I have outlined, and many are unaware that they are depressed due to a lack of mental health education.

“A monkey will always be a monkey.  It will never become a peacock”. These are the words I grew up to. My mother didn’t know at the time that these words would deeply affect me in the long run. She probably said it as a joke, but comments such as this one really impacted my depression at a young age, and high school only made it worse. Often we don’t realize that negative comments we make about others, with the intention of constructive criticism, may affect this person in ways that we cannot comprehend.

In 2013 I met the love of my life.  Later on that year, I decided to go back to school for Community and Justice Services. My plan was to bridge off to another University for their program in forensic Psychology. I was an honour roll student that was living my life to the fullest and enjoying every moment of it. My husband proposed to me in 2015, in the most romantic way I could have ever imagined. On a private lake in Ardbeg Ontario, he went down on his knees and asked me to be his wife. I honestly never thought that this day would come because he has always told me that he wasn’t the marriage type. After the proposal, we decided to wait until after I finished school to get married. However, this experience taught me that no matter how much we make plans for ourselves, if God has something else written for us there is no way of changing the outcome,

A few weeks after our engagement my entire world came crashing down. I discovered that I was pregnant! My parents were excited, but they feared what others would say and quickly got us married within 6 weeks time. In our culture so many of us live in fear of other people’s opinions and judgement. I dropped out of school and started working immediately in order to get my maternity leave hours. I had no idea of what I was getting myself into when I agreed to have the baby. I didn’t want to be selfish and deprive my fetus with an opportunity at life and I could not do anything to take away the joy that both my husband and parents felt when they discovered I was carrying their grand child.

Emotionally, it was a very hard pregnancy for me. I also had to hide my pregnancy from my extended family members, which only made it worse. It was a time of joy and I wasn’t able to enjoy it because I was told to wear oversized shirts to cover up my pregnant belly which I really wanted to show off.  I wasn’t aware at the time, but all these little things were the cause of the depression during my pregnancy.

After what seemed like forever, I finally gave birth to my handsome son, who was immediately taken away from me and put into the ICU. I did not hold him, not because I wasn’t able to, but simply because I did not want to. You would think that the first thing a new mother would look forward to, is to hold her new born child for the first time, but this was not the case with me.  My husband found this strange, but didn’t read too much into it because I had just suffered through an 18 hour labour. A few days went by before my son was released from the hospital and came home. I felt distant and did not seem to possess a bond with him.

My mother would come home everyday and spend time with her grandson from morning until my husband came home from work. She assumed that I was being lazy because she didn’t know what I was feeling and I didn’t want to tell her. She also didn’t understand what depression was. She started to raise my son and I went back to school when he was 3 weeks old, only to dropout once again. This time it was because mentally I just couldn’t do it. I smiled and laughed with others on the outside, but inside I was dying. I felt hopeless and worthless. I would ask myself constantly; what has my life come to? Changing diapers and cleaning vomit? I never wanted to be a housewife and I have never been without a job since I was 16 years old.

Eventually the smiles turned to anger and it became clear to my husband that something was wrong. However, he didn’t truly understand that I needed to seek help until I attempted suicide. Lucky for me I have an understanding and loving husband who made me open up about how I was feeling, even though I was afraid that he was going to judge me.  With his support, I started going to therapy and a few months later God blessed us with another pregnancy.

It was scary for both of us and it was a very hard decision to make, but we decided to keep our second blessing. This time I had my husband to talk to and a therapist to turn to whenever I felt depressed. Not only did my husband put me in therapy but he also encouraged me to go to school to pursue what I love.  Soon, I graduated as a florist. My husband started the Blue Blossoms flower shop for me as a way to keep myself busy and so I have something to do outside of raising my family.

I’m not saying that I am 100% better, but I do see a difference in my mental health after the birth of my second son, partly because of Blue Blossoms. Every arrangement I put out there is made with passion, creativity and care. Besides making beautiful day to day arrangements, Blue Blossoms specialize in boxed bouquets and garden style arrangements. Boxed bouquets have been around for years now but I went above and beyond by adding something unique and different. When someone says boxed bouquets, usually people think of roses in a beautiful box, but with Blue Blossoms you are getting an arrangement neatly and uniquely arranged in a box filled with foliage and other alluring flowers.

Currently, I am working as a florist in Toronto making unique and different arrangements, but in the near future I hope to partner up with other mental health charities to help facilitate a program for women like myself, battling depression or postpartum depression. I hope to create a program where they can come mingle and make arrangements together. Getting out of the house for a few hours a week makes a big difference in a women’s mental health during the postpartum stage.

On Mother’s day of 2017, Blue Blossoms had our first pop up shop in downtown Toronto. It was a tough weekend for us but this experience helped me realize that this is my preferred form of healing. Speaking to a therapist is definitely helpful, but sitting down and making arrangements is more therapeutic for me than speaking to someone about it.  I no longer feel like I’m worthless or doing nothing with my life.  Blue Blossoms is my outlet and escape from the daily routine of raising my beautiful boys and caring for my loving husband.

The post The Girl Behind The Blooms appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

Conversations about sex can be weird. They are also important to have with prospective partners. This is why I gave myself a set protocol, a script if you will. It goes like this:

“Time for the grown up conversation!”
This is my opener. Sometimes I’m playful when I say this, sometimes I’m serious. At all times, I’m genuine. My belief is that if my partner and I are grown enough to have sex, we’re grown enough to talk about it. I try to anticipate a romantic encounter and have this conversation before it happens. Things don’t always work that way. I’ll interrupt “the moment” to have this talk. My life matters.

“When was the last time you were tested?”
A few people I’ve talked to have said they like to have this conversation organically. When is it ever “organic” to ask someone about their STD history? It’s not. A friend pointed out that societally, we are uncomfortable at the thought of our partner having slept with people before us. That’s true. This friend also acknowledged a subconscious reason for avoiding this conversation: thinking about the risk factors associated with sex makes them not want to have sex.

“Have you ever had an STD?”
A year ago, I tested positive for a strain of HPV that causes cervical cancer. My STD-free bubble burst and my sex-health awareness took leaps and bounds. I wanna know what’s been up with my partner’s body and how they’ve addressed it.

“Have you had unprotected sex since you were tested?”
Unprotected sex increases the risk of disease transmission. Testing clear 6 months ago means less to me if there has been unprotected sex in the interim.

Those are my basics. I ask follow up questions based on what I hear. I usually don’t have sex with anyone who has gone more than a year without being tested, and I always expect my partner to wear a condom. When I became sexually active, this conversation did not feel natural. It was awkward and bizarre. I felt worried about offending my partner. Over time, I got over that. My life matters.

I talk openly about sex. I talk openly about a lot of things. We’re a community, and stigma doesn’t serve us. I offer this piece, because it can be helpful to know how other people do things. There is no one way to navigate this or any other conversation. Your body belongs to one person. You.

Trans and queer communities experience distinct concerns and needs regarding safe and healthy sexual expression. This piece is written from a cisgender, heterosexual perspective and experience of sex. In the opening of conversational safe spaces, it is important to acknowledge that there is more to sexual health than what exists in the straight world.

-Featured image sourced from Unsplash.

The post Starting the Sex Talk appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

Born in Chennai, India, Anantha Chandrakasan, moved to the US during high school. He was the Vannevar Bush Professor and head of the Department of Electrical Engineering and Computer Science at MIT before being named dean of its School of Engineering, which will take effect July 1.

“I always knew I wanted to be an engineer and a professor,” he says. “My mother really inspired me into an academic career. When I entered graduate school, I knew on day one that I wanted to be academic professor.”

Chandrakasan has quite a few credentials on his resume as noted in MIT’s press release:

Chandrakasan earned his bachelor’s (1989), master’s (1990), and doctoral (1994) degrees in electrical engineering and computer science from the University of California at Berkeley — the latter two after being rejected from MIT’s graduate program, he notes with a laugh. After joining the MIT faculty, he was the director of the Microsystems Technology Laboratories (MTL) from 2006 until he became the head of EECS in 2011.

Chandrakasan is a recipient of awards including the 2009 Semiconductor Industry Association (SIA) University Researcher Award, the 2013 IEEE Donald O. Pederson Award in Solid-State Circuits, an honorary doctorate from KU Leuven in 2016, and the UC Berkeley EE Distinguished Alumni Award. He was also recognized as the author with the highest number of publications in the 60-year history of the IEEE International Solid-State Circuits Conference (ISSCC), the foremost global forum for presentation of advances in solid-state circuits and systems-on-a-chip. Since 2010, he served as the ISSCC Conference Chair. A fellow of IEEE, in 2015 he was elected to the National Academy of Engineering.

Continue reading here.

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What happens when two very different shoe sizes meet; for example  a size 4 and a size 11? Soleful Shoes happens! I am talking about an online shoe company selling shoes to women with Australian sizes 4 to 5 and 10 to 11 feet.

Two young Australian Tamil women, Kuppal and Pradhima, founded Soleful Shoes in 2016, to solve their long time dilemma of finding shoes that didn’t blister their feet or leave a floppy leather mess that forcibly dragged along the streets.

The Tamil Souls Behind It:

Kuppal, a management consultant, came up with the idea of providing comfortable large size shoes at the age of 18. She strived to find a solution that was both viable and achievable within her target market. After travelling to the United States, a life changing moment impacted Kuppal’s next business adventure. She met a gentleman who had previously worked at google.org and asked him for advice regarding the qualities, characteristics and experience that she would need in order to get a job in social impact. His reply changed her life.

“Do! The space needs doers. People who jump with both feet in and just make stuff happen. Don’t wait to find “the job” – that’s not how stuff happens in this space. You do and make things happen – then the right job will present itself to you. Note that this is a calling, not a job”.

This was the catalyst for wanting to start a shoe business that promoted inclusion in the shoe industry while also pursuing a social purpose. At the same time, it propelled Kuppal to focus on working collaboratively with many organizations in the social sector through Deloitte.

Pradhima, a financial manager, personally struggled to find petite size shoes and at the age of 21 she decided that it would be great to have a start up that manufactured small shoes. She ran ‘Teacup Shoes’ for women with small feet for two years successfully.  During this time she realized that there was also a market for larger women’s shoe sizes as well. One evening, both Pradhima and Kuppal came together to discuss their common ambition and Soleful Shoes came to life.

Challenges

Starting up your own company comes with a lot of hurdles and uncertainties. “Knowledge is power” is a famous quote that resonates with many successful business endeavours. Without knowledge, the height of success is hindered. Kuppal ensured that her knowledge about websites met the industry standards. This was to ensure that Soleful shoes customers are given a positive and easy shopping experience. With hours and hours of research and development, solefulshoes.com.au is a proud achievement for both the girls.

While running a profit making business is of high importance, the conscience of both ladies impacted the purpose of their business. They were passionate about making a positive change in this world, and they needed to create their business to align with this notion. This is when the connection between Dress for Success and Soleful Shoes began. Now every time that you make a shoe purchase, you can donate a lightly worn pair of shoes to the charity, which empowers women to achieve economic independence. #zeroguiltshopping

Pradhima proudly remarked “Once this all came together, the brand came together beautifully and we were really proud of the end result”.

The future for Soleful Shoes

The brand is focused on taking a stand for inclusive fashion for women in Australia. They’re looking to be the go-to brand for women foot sizes under 5 or over 10. Much like the plus-size movement in Australia, these ladies are looking to redefine what’s ‘normal’ for shoe sizes and help the many women in Australia that are frustrated with the current limitations of shoe shopping locally.

Watch the Soleful Shoes interview on SBS:

http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2017/05/09/how-childhood-friends-solved-major-shoe-problem

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The Royal Bank of Canada (RBC), Canada’s largest financial institution, has acquired Wiser Investments, headed by CEO Ajantha Ganeshalingam. The acquisition is part of a $20 million investment that RBC is making towards establishing an in-house Innovation Lab of which Wiser is a foundational component.

Wiser’s CEO Ajantha shared the following statement on his LinkedIn page following the announcement:

“This week Wiser Investments becomes part of RBC Global Asset Management. It’s been an incredible journey over the past two years, from building a proof of concept to raising capital to hunting for customers and now, being acquired by the largest financial institution in Canada.

Kuhan Paramsothy and I thank the Wiser team for their dedication and effort to get us to this stage. We are excited about our next challenge of helping to lead the newly created RBC Global Asset Management (GAM) Innovation Lab.

It is an exciting time to be in this space and with GAM, we can maintain our start-up culture with access to client challenges and funding to build and explore different opportunities. A new journey begins for the Wiser family.”

-Featured image: Ajantha Ganeshalingam sourced from LinkedIn.

The post Canada’s Largest Bank, RBC, Acquires Fintech Startup Founded by Tamil Entrepreneur appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

It is 2017, a year of celebration. The city of Montreal will be celebrating three hundred seventy-five years as a municipality, emerging as the result of many cultures coming together and co-existing as one entity. Canada as a nation will be celebrating one hundred fifty years of Confederation tomorrow, where British colonies in North America came together in a united effort of solidarity and shared values, resulting in the diverse, multicultural society that is Canada today.

Cultural, linguistic, and religious tolerance is at the core of how Canada has developed and prospered into a leading nation that promotes diversity, plurality and the freedom of expression. Although the saying “Out of Many, One People” may be found on the Jamaican Coat of Arms^[1], Canada also reflects this expression showing that its people are the result of many parts of the world coming together to create a better nation. Despite all of this, racism and discrimination still exist today, both within and outside of our borders. There are many who stand to fight off these negative aspects in society, one of them being Jane Elliott.

I came across Jane Elliott while watching an older episode of Oprah.

Mrs. Elliott was a former third-grade schoolteacher who was well known for conducting the “Blue eyes – Brown eyes” experiment shortly after the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. in 1968^[2]. I won’t go into the details of the experiment since it’s much more interesting to watch (see the video below!) and Mrs. Elliott does a much better job at explaining the process than I ever could; however, the take away message really hits home. Mrs. Elliott shows her subjects what racial segregation feels like for a relatively short period of time and that those who have never experienced it are simply victims of shared ignorance.

After watching many interviews that Mrs. Elliott has given, I can see that she has a strong personality and is truly justified in the stance she has taken in the anti-racist movement. As she says herself:

“You are not born racist. You are born into a racist society. And like anything else, if you can learn it, you can unlearn it. But some people choose not to unlearn it, because they’re afraid they’ll lose power if they share with other people. We are afraid of sharing power. That’s what it’s all about.”^[3]

Even though we live in a diverse, tolerant society, this quote still holds true at present. Personally, it holds true in the work force where the shift from the “knowledge is power” mantra to the “knowledge sharing is power” one is met with stark resistance, despite this being in place for over a decade simply because people assume a power shift will result. It holds true in my life when it comes to admitting that we are wrong in our ways, relearning how to do certain things to make ourselves better people. A good example of this in my life was relearning how to properly eat bananas and pistachios. Even though I went through a lot of trial and error, it was definitely worth it. All of this relates back to the fact that we are the products of our society and it is truly up to us to make ourselves better people.

Now, how does Mrs. Elliott’s experiment and teachings relate to Tamil culture? Well, just as we are members of the communities where we live, we are also members of the Tamil society. Although racial segregation cannot exist in this society, many types of segregation still exist today.   The Tamil society segregates its members by skin colour, religious beliefs, caste, linguistic abilities… the list can be infinite. With all these labels that we put onto ourselves and onto others in this society, I find it to be miraculous that this society still stands strong and that some sort of unity continues to exist. However, instead of attempting to break down these labels that have been given, I would rather embrace them since they are a part of my identity.

In one of Mrs. Elliott’s talks on the Oprah show, she outright rejects the notion that we should treat everyone equally because that’s the supposed solution to overcoming racial segregation. As she says:

“When you say to a person of colour, ‘When I see you, I don’t see you Black; I just see everybody the same’ think about that. You don’t have the right to say to a person, ‘I do not see you as you are; I want to see you as I would be more comfortable seeing you.”[4]

If we as Tamils strip away the labels that we have inherited, we are stripping away our own identity voluntarily. That is the biggest disservice that we could do to ourselves and to our essential being. We should not let others dictate to us that our labels are negative connotations of who we are. Rather, these labels are the starting point of discussing how we break down the walls of segregation and turn them into points of celebration. Every Tamil is a Tamil, regardless of colour, gender, orientation, caste, nationality, and spirituality. Every Tamil has a label and should be proud of how that label contributes to the continual development of society. If that label is seen as a negative connotation, then that form of segregation has to be broken down NOT the label itself. My labels form my identity and that is something that I have both inherited and built up through my efforts. Mrs. Elliott’s overall message is that I should feel no shame in who I am and that I have the ability to make our society, the Tamil society, a better place through discussion and acceptance of what is around me. As Mrs. Elliott said:

“We learn to be racist, therefore we can learn not to be racist. Racism is not genetical. It has everything to do with power.”[5]

With this in mind, the Tamil society has taught us that a certain skin colour is best, that certain castes are superior to others and that speaking certain languages a certain way is the right thing to do. Truly those things can be unlearnt for they do seem quite idiotic. All the wheels on a train are needed to make it move. If one wheel is missing, the superiority of the others wouldn’t matter since that train won’t leave the train yard. In this regard, let us celebrate our labels and our differences for we are all one people and we all play a pivotal role in making our world a better place. Remember that “Out of Many, One People” can and will hold true for the Tamil community.

-Featured image: Sourced from Dilani Bala’s ‘Ode to our Parents’

The post Why Should Our Labels be Celebrated? appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

My name is Harishan and I’m a rapper and songwriter.  I was born, raised and am still living in Scarborough. With production backed by my friend Athavan whom I met in a collective, we’re looking to make serious .wavs this summer. Tune into #scarboroughsundays where we release a new song every Sunday starting on June 11th. We took a break from the studio and decided to share our insight on being Tamil in Scarborough and the obstacles we face as artists.

H: I feel like there is this disconnect to Sri Lanka. I mean, even though it is the motherland, I’ve only visited twice. When it comes to visibility, the Tamil community is one of the most visible groups in Scarborough yet we’re severely under-represented. I’ve been grateful for growing up in the east end where I don’t feel like an alien because I see people like me everywhere. However, when I watch TV or I hear music, we’re still invisible.

A: I agree, I feel like even though there are a lot of Tamil people in Scarborough, there isn’t really an identity for the Tamil-Canadian and especially for someone trying to pursue arts. The community is relatively very new, in comparison to other cultural communities in Canada.

H: Part of the reason why we’re so under represented is because most of us aren’t encouraged to pursue the arts in the first place. My parents still don’t know I rap because I told my mom I make “pattu” and I write poetry. If I told them I genuinely wanted to make a career from music they wouldn’t believe me. For them, a stable 9-5 is what they consider success and I can’t blame them. They fled a war-torn country and came to Canada in hopes of finding peace. My dad never had a chance to pursue higher education so I can’t hold it against them for wanting me to be stuck in a cubicle.

A: Yeah, it’s not that I don’t understand where they are coming from. An office job feels like a sure thing, and a career in music is a long shot at best, and that is not a misconception, that is the truth. My parents know that I “do music”, but very little beyond that, despite the fact that I’ve basically set up a studio in the basement. I have an office job right now,  and I can’t say that I disagree with my parents because I’m not sure I’d be able to leave the stability unless my music career was a sure thing.

H: A lot of people think Toronto should drop the ‘screw-face mentality’ but to be honest, if it wasn’t for the lack of support from my neighbourhood and friends, I wouldn’t progress as an artist. For a long time, my work wouldn’t resonate with anyone and I thought no one understood where I was coming from. At the end of the day, you can’t make excuses and you have to ask yourself, is this the best you can do? There is no such thing as the perfect record but you have to consistently improve your craft and the moment I started doing that, this was the moment that my voice began to get heard.

A: I don’t think we’ve figured out how to gain support from the people around us. I could say that it has made me a better producer, but it would also be nice to be validated from time to time. I think I’ve gotten to a point where our songs can stand toe to toe with the rest, and if all goes well, our voices will be heard.

H: Tamil people do not have the luxury of picking and choosing which Tamil artists they get to support. There are only a handful of Tamil artists that have a platform (i.e M.I.A, Aziz) and even then, their Tamil experiences are completely different than mine or anyone else. Through my art, I want to be as reflective and honest as possible so that hopefully other Tamil people in Toronto realize they are not alone.  I really despise this anti-Tamil rhetoric that exists among the Tamil community. Many Tamil people take pride in being white-washed, as if listening to Tamil music or speaking Tamil are things they should be embarrassed of.  In Scarborough, you’re more likely to see Tamil guys roll 6 deep to Vybz Kartel than to the soundtrack of Alaipayuthey and this is only because we’re still not comfortable in our own skin.

A: But at the same time, not listening to Tamil music and not watching Tamil movies somehow makes you less Tamil in the eyes of others. I used to not want to be identified as a Tamil musician, because I felt the ceiling was too low to be confined to one cultural community. This is who I am, I am a Tamil producer, and that means nothing except for the fact that I am Tamil and I am a producer. It is undeniable to say that the songs I heard as a kid influence the types of songs I make now, but we are all just a collection of our experiences.

Be sure to follow Harishan on social media @raisedinthesnow and Athavan @beatsbyathavan

The post Re-Inventing Tamil Identity Through Art appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

Ask any Indian South African about Devi Sankaree Govender and they will tell you about her straight-forward attitude when she worked on national radio station, Lotus FM, based in Durban. 24 years later, she uses that same straight-forwardness to expose corruption, informs the public about critical issues facing the country and reminds us that the voices of ordinary South Africans matter.  She is assertive with great on-screen presence.

The reason I wanted to feature Mrs. Govender on TamilCulture is simply because she is a role model to South Africans of South Indian/Tamil heritage. She inspires us to be better versions of ourselves and to always remain authentic. I personally love how she’s kept her Durban Indian accent and she still uses those little nuances that are unique to those of us who grew up on the east coast of this amazing country. She assures me that her job is not as glamourous as it sounds but I think she’s doing a splendid job and her no-nonsense approach to corruption is refreshing.

Here are a few questions I posed to our very inspiring Mrs. Devi Sankaree Govender – now a household name in South Africa as she graces us with her Sunday exposés on Carte Blanche.

Devi doing what she does best

Nirvani: You’re South African of Tamil origin. What does this cultural heritage mean to you personally?

Devi: It is important to know where you come from and know your roots. South Africa is a culturally rich society and all cultures are respected within our constitution. It is great being of Tamil and South Indian origin. My grandfather was a farmer who taught Tamil in the community. As a toddler I was a part of the Tamil Eisteddfod and proudly received certificates.

N: What are some of the challenges you’ve faced as a South African Tamil woman both in your career and in your personal life?

D: In life there are always people who say you cannot do something but obstacles do not feature in my vocabulary or in my life. In my career I’ve moved from Lotus FM which is a community station to the Sunday Times, and for the past 15 years I’ve been at the longest-running investigative journalism organisation in South Africa, Carte Blanche. Rocks exist in life, as they always will, but you move past them and don’t listen to the negativity of others who will pick on things and make you question yourself or your abilities.

N: You come across as quite culturally connected. What does maintaining the Tamil and the South African cultural identity mean to you?

D: I have a much wider view about culture and I believe that each person’s difference is to be celebrated. The message I share with everyone is that you have to be yourself and your authentic self to show value to your own cultural identity. The moment you take on another personality, at some point you forget who you are portraying. With the medium of television being so critical I have to always be true to myself and portray authenticity.

My own cultural identity is South Indian but I don’t force it upon my kids. They sound very different to me and sometimes think that I say things in a funny way. I am proud that they are able to build their own cultural identity and assimilate themselves into their world. South Africa is home to the largest population of Indians outside of India and this is something to be proud of too. We must be proud of our roots and of where we’ve come from.

N: How do you relax and reboot, especially with your busy lifestyle?

D: Cooking is my passion and what I do to just relax. I cook everything Indian from biryanis to fresh chicken curries. It’s my escape from the busy lifestyle of the media world. Gym and yoga are great ways for me to relax and unwind.

Fresh chicken curry – otherwise known as ‘running-fowl’ curry

N: What are you reading at the moment and what music do you listen to?

D: I will be interviewing Trevor Noah in New York this month. I am so excited about this so am doing a second read of his book, Born a Crime. I’m a 80s pop queen! And bhangra music is wonderful. More so, I absolutely LOVE the music of AR Rahman and Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan. As you can tell, my taste in music is quite diverse.

N: What is your career highlight?

D: I interviewed Mr Mandela when I was still with the community station, Lotus FM. This was wonderful. Sadly there were no podcasts back then but it still remains a highlight for me. Of course, in my daily career I meet every day people who are just so special in their own ways.

N: In reference to your current role in investigative journalism, what is your one line on corruption?

D: If we turn a blind eye and do nothing, it means that corruption will exist because we allowed it.

-Featured image sourced from DeviHQ.com.

The post A Conversation with Investigative TV Journalist Devi Sankaree Govender appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

Meet Bearsnowls and Deepika Mahadevan. These two artists combine their third culture upbringing as Indo-Canadian artists by pursuing independent music careers in the west, as well as in Tamil and Indian cinema.

Bearsnowls and Deepika, who goes by ‘Dee Devan’, are both artists born in Tamilnadu and brought up in Canada. Despite living in Toronto most of their lives, they met for the first time during their stays in Chennai as students of music and while pursuing solo music careers in the Indian movie industry.

The meeting resulted in ‘Parallel’, a futurebass song, which has since been released by an independent record label in the U.S. – Bonfire Records and is available via Spotify, Apple Music and more.

“Bearsnowls approached me with a track he had written the same morning, asking if I was interested in the sound. I loved it from first listen and began to lay down melodies on the spot. Through some back and forth and an understanding of what we felt the song should stand for, we came up with what is now the track called Parallel” – Dee Devan

Parallel is a future bass track produced by Bearsnowls, with lyrics and vocals courtesy Dee Devan. In its most basic form, Parallel is a song about lust and attraction magnified in a psychedelic or intoxicated setting.

However, the song’s content also takes on another deeper less explicit meaning – a budding romance between two people that leaves them inebriated in desire for each other, so much so that they feel like they could create an entirely new dimension of their own when together.

Dee Devan is a singer-songwriter who has been one of the lead singers in the North American band AGNI for over 7 years. She is inspired by RnB and Soul artists like Etta James, Aretha Franklin, Marvin Gaye, Mariah Carey and many more. She also finds inspiration in recently emerging acts like Banks, Leo Kalyan, Troye Sivan and London Grammar.

Dee Devan studied Chemical Engineering and worked as an Environmental Engineering Consultant for 6 years before she made the leap into a world of music and art. In addition to her now solo music career, she also recently recorded her first singles for the Indian film industry.

Today she dabbles in many genres of music with a particular fascination in electronic and fusion forms. And her forthcoming work includes a solo track for famed music director D. Imman in the Prabhu Deva production film – Vinodhan.

Bearsnowls is a music producer who likes to explore all genres of music and collaborate with artists from around the world. He strives to ensure that every one of his new songs represents something completely different from his last.

He has worked with the likes of Hartry and FTRSL, most notably providing production on FTRSL’s 2016 single ‘Heartbreak’ which has over 23.7k listens on SoundCloud.

Bearnowls is currently in Chennai pursuing further education at A.R. Rahman’s KM Music Conservatory and has made contact with some notable music directors in Kollywood.

Keep an eye out for these artists – Bearsnowls and Dee Devan have more collaborative projects in the works!

The post How Toronto Artists Dee Devan and Bearsnowls Came To Collaborate In Chennai appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

The Tamil wedding industry has some of the most creative individuals around who create images and videos that easily rival a Kollywood movie scene. Here are some Save the Date notifications from Tamil couples that will definitely catch guests’ attention!

Creator: Digital Fusion

Creator: Black Magic Creations

Creator: Unknown

Contact us at hello@tamilculture.com to have your wedding featured! Single and looking? Check out myTamilDate.com to meet thousands of single Tamil professionals.

The post Tamil Weddings: Save the Dates that Can’t be Missed appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

The post A Mashup of Your Favourite Tamil Songs to Despacito appeared first on TamilCulture.com.

Tamil inventor Vaanan Murugathas is a kid genius. At just 12-years-old, he has invented a do-it-yourself spectrometer which he’ll be taking to the Maker Festival in Toronto, to show how anyone can hack their phone to measure water quality. All you would need is construction paper, a CD, and his mobile app. His invention is motivated by a social purpose.

“Many [First Nations] reserves don’t have access to clean water and I feel like the government is not doing enough to actually stop this issue,” he tells the CBC.

Murugathas mentions that his invention was inspired by hearing Indigenous critic Jesse Wente discussing the frequent and sometimes constant boil water advisories among First Nations reserves on a radio show.

“When I make things, it gives me the satisfaction of knowing that I just created something that can help people.”

Continue reading at the CBC.

-Featured image sourced from the CBC.

The post 12-Year-Old Vaanan Murugathas Has Invented A DIY Way To Measure Water Quality appeared first on TamilCulture.com.